The calcium deposits may be the cause or the symptom, but the diagnosis is gout ('Tsufu' as we say in Japan) and the result is painful steps and inflammation. So a day spent in the hospital clarified what I was facing... dietary 'issues'. What I love, meats and seafood, creates gout, and what I crave, creamy desserts, helps make me fat. The solution would be to enjoy sacrifice, skinnism, fasting, I sense what I really need is an adventure, a daily process, a goal fully absorbing. A challenge I believe in, love doing, want to follow through. Unfortunately too much in my life is abstracted into dry toast. I am listening to a book by Gail Blanke titled "Throw Out Fifty Things". This was a process we attempted this summer with considerable success but apparently it is far from over. I can't believe how much more I need to get rid of.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I returned desperately to meat as if the successes of a summer as a fish eating vegetarian was not value enough. Now my weight rises in a dance with depression and many many small actions to break the spell and invite back a long lost vitality. My reflection terrifies me. Yet in my terror I hide my mind with mountains of distractions. I live in paradise but the character I choose to play is utterly despicable. What color madness am I painting on this precious canvas... is tearful empathy my only answer?