Thursday, September 24, 2009

Endless Reminders

The calcium deposits may be the cause or the symptom, but the diagnosis is gout ('Tsufu' as we say in Japan) and the result is painful steps and inflammation. So a day spent in the hospital clarified what I was facing... dietary 'issues'. What I love, meats and seafood, creates gout, and what I crave, creamy desserts, helps make me fat. The solution would be to enjoy sacrifice, skinnism, fasting, I sense what I really need is an adventure, a daily process, a goal fully absorbing. A challenge I believe in, love doing, want to follow through. Unfortunately too much in my life is abstracted into dry toast. I am listening to a book by Gail Blanke titled "Throw Out Fifty Things". This was a process we attempted this summer with considerable success but apparently it is far from over. I can't believe how much more I need to get rid of.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Terrible struggle of complacency

I returned desperately to meat as if the successes of a summer as a fish eating vegetarian was not value enough. Now my weight rises in a dance with depression and many many small actions to break the spell and invite back a long lost vitality. My reflection terrifies me. Yet in my terror I hide my mind with mountains of distractions. I live in paradise but the character I choose to play is utterly despicable. What color madness am I painting on this precious canvas... is tearful empathy my only answer?