Monday, September 15, 2014

Living with a Big Gut

Ed and Lou
My Dad, the oldest son, and his youngest brother Ed, had notoriously small waists in their youth. Both hard working (and, in the case of Uncle Ed, hard playing) men, they maintained their shape until retirement. Later the love of good living and persistent health issues allowed their guts to expand. Dad lived to his 90's, though getting around was tough towards the end. The gut becomes an inconvenient fact of life.

Parkinson's at 63 has disrupted my weight watcher's dance of roller coaster dieting. I have risen to my upper crest at 124 kilograms. And, despite a serious case of camera embarrassment, feel a futility in abstinence. Too much of my daily grace comes from consumption. Despite a Paleo prejudice, I covet carbohydrates. 

Physical movement has become so untenable, a zombie shuffle, leaning forward as if to bite the neck of some hapless imaginary victim. When once pilgrimage was my magic solvent, when walking was both a passion and a solution,  I now vegetate in the stagnent confines of online exploration. Brave steps out of the house to take the trash to the corner, or to wobble to the nearest vending machine, leaves me panting. Pain follows like a loving lap dog, a merciless reminder of better times.

A buddhistic solution, a middle way of moderation, is so obviously the cure... Yet the screaming child within wants my sugars. A sloth lifestyle seems more suitable to my dark inner spaces. But can I keep searching, in this Japanese sweet land of the petite, for sizes that fit? Or, do I finally talk myself into living fit... Take responsibility: eat less, move more.

It's hard to feel loveable when your magic mirror no longer answers the question 'Who is the fairest of them all?' Get real. In the age of Selfies, a positive self image is essential. With or without the big gut, get that mojo working.