Sunday, April 29, 2007

Happy or Sad, hungry...

Today is one of perfection. A holiday, perfect spring weather, all my needs, physical and emotional, met fully.

I wonder why I still feel hungry?

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Still I eat more than my share

Glorious green, early morning sun highlights my bliss filled neighborhood.
Bacon and eggs on rice.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Perhaps It Works

I see, by watching, it is a diet I am on. Just... there is sadness in knowing the truth. Well maybe just depressing... but you get over it, and try to do better.

Eating is good, but surviving is better, and, for the chronic obese, anything and everything that prevents chronic over-eating is helpful.

Exercise is my next hurdle. A life style change is called for, but I am uncertain still how that will happen. I just never seem to have the energy.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Sweet Mornings

There is a gray blanket of a sky, here at 6 am, adding drama and depth to my flower pot rows. I feel today an affirmation to what it will take for this diet to reemerge out of winter. Moderation, calorie control by eating less in mathematically substantiated numbers... no more smoke and mirrors. Watch much more carefully what I weigh and how much I eat.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

In The Morning

In the morning I made a stew, a curried mix with fresh snow peas, broccoli, carrot, scallion, left over noodles, some egg... placed over white rice. It did not go over very well with my children. Curry is not my thing. There was the remainder of my home-made whole wheat - white flour blended bread. Lunch was more of the same curry, while dinner was a fresh salad of scallion, lettuce, cherry tomato, shredded salmon, avocado, and white dressing. This, too, did not go over well for my son, though I loved it. He supplemented with natto and rice. We had my coffee and chai blend when my friend Kei visited, as well.

The food is not bad, just not successful. So much more needs to be done. Am I looking for a process, some kind of perfection, which just doesn't exist?

Less Shopping Not Better

I had wanted to shield myself to excess by minimizing my shopping, but this is only partially working. There is this strange dilemma of trying to plan unpleasant meals. How I can ever reconciliate myself to dieting as a life style still feels way out of my grasp. I just do not find low calorie, low volume, non-toxic (i.e. vegan organic living food) groceries, raw or other wise, as appetizing.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Orgiastic Moments

Reading Living Nutrition Magazine and VegNews, wondering about carrots in the fridge getting old, I discover I had bought eggs yesterday, had bacon, potato and onion... an orgiastic feast followed... topped off with strawberries and banana with a side of Coffee with Chai mix.

Though I read Cousins it is in my heritage of pleasure I take solace. Now I am over-full on my way to work. The complex psychology of fatties like me. My entire day mapped out in meals, taking time only for house work and rearranging my flowers... and my video-audio podcasting distractions.

How does all this draw into survival...?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Lack of Vision

I have no clear vision of what exactly I am attempting to do with this diet process. With out an ethical stance, such as Veganism, or a rigorous process, as my experiments in Atkins and Raw Foods, I am a ship without a rudder.

Why I need dietary theatrics, to overcome the stubborn hungry child that dominates my choices, I just don't understand. Exercise, too, still lays just outside my daily pattern. Planning a meal with a friend remains a joyful daily inspiration, while most other healthier options drags far behind. I like eating with good company... no other activity compares in attractiveness for me, certainly no sport measures close.

Sunday, April 15, 2007


I made mushrooms sliced thin and sautéed in olive oil and soy sauce placed over fresh salad greens, with small seasoned cheese samplings for the kids and I for breakfast. Lunch was two hamburgers with bacon for Zen and I, and one for Kai. Salad greens, seasoned with mayo, catsup, and a salt/pepper mix inside the burger buns. There was a late afternoon snack, chocolate almond candy for the kids, for me two chocolate eclair and Starbucks style coffee. Dinner I made a white source stew with broccoli, carrots, and bacon over white rice and a Coco soy milk.

There was no exercise, just a hang over from Karaoke singing and drinking chuhai on Saturday night. Learning my daughter had such a beautiful voice was well worth the following day's symptoms. We live well, just do not get the job of losing weight done, in such a luscious life style.

Darkness of Early Morning Home

Symptoms chase me, throat glands, sore throat, tense painful jaw... and so when I wake without pain I feel festive. I had a night where waking up had not spoiled the rhythm. Of course it is 5 am now, perhaps too early for the pattern of my immediate universe, but soon I will need to wake the kids for school. Time for me now to collect my thoughts, calm away the static anxieties that soak my nights. Time to shower, replenish, check laundry, make breakfast... All the details that make being a single father an art form.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Blossom filled Kyoto School Yard

I have decided to add an additional Blog.
A Flower Blog... highlighting the flowers
I stumble upon here in Kyoto.

There are so many, and so little time.
But perhaps this process will draw in my focus,
and bring me into a deeper commune with
the beauty that perpetually blooms
around me.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Wow, What I Can Eat!

My breakfast was two eggs with two natto portions on white rice. Lunch was a large portion of yellow rice, shrimp, clam, seafood mix plus soft cream for dessert, with coffee for both breakfast and lunch. Dinner was a large share of sushi and chocolate pastry.

Besides a very long drive, I managed two walks, flower gazing, plus the usual grocery lugging up and down stairs.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

One Step

A salad and a plate of baked beans from a can isn't actually gourmet but it was more conscious. I have even prepared a salad for lunch to bring to work with some bottled water. Such a beautiful day, need to get out and take a walk.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Another Today

I had an amusing dance this morning as I contemplated my options for breakfast. I ended up making a macaroni and cheese, baked beans and tuna combo. For lunch a diet coke and pastry, for dinner a beef Mexican tortilla with cafe-con-leche. Now I down waters as I fight not to go to bed too soon, tired from my second day back at work.

Holiday Over Adjustments

How the bed rocks in nightmarish twists and turns as the mind set adjusts to returning to work. But how small still my vocabulary of fast foods for the pace of employment. Yesterday had me in the morning for sweet pastry plus Starbuck-style beverage at the local convenience store.

OK, so I am side stepping my responsibility by blaming being busy... I am not so busy that I can't make a boxed lunch, a healthy breakfast alternative, or find a better alternative at the convenience store. Get real, dear self, think nutritious alternatives, eat well at home, while exploring alternatives while at work.

Bad health is hardly a choice, yet the one I am taking when I slip to default.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

How can diets do what they do?

While walking through the hills, my chest felt extreme pressure on the incline up. My stamina has dissipated. Breakfast was a slice of buttered toast, and coffee. Lunch a large size bowl of ramen. Dinner was a salad with dressing and macaroni and cheese. There was also a glass of beer after lunch and a soy milk drink or two.

The thoughts in work is a blog for my teaching and a video blog marathon to compliment this process. Images merge to manifest affirmation.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

This could be the One

There is no secret about video podcasting. This is a way for distribution centers, i.e. You Tubes, to consolidate page viewing which, in turn, establishes their site as a major player. Content has been the problem for distribution companies for some time now, there just isn't enough 'value content' for a world with so many cable stations and internet sources. So why not seduce the creative juices of the masses to produce content for free, occasionally throwing these dedicated creators a bone, like syndication, prizes, and/or their 15 minutes of fame.

But for me, there might be one more incentive. I could use it to see myself and perhaps resolve my issues concerning weight loss, by consistently going public.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Fun Forty Day Project

I had great pleasure in the investigative web page creation of my 40 day diet blogs and now feel creating a video blog of my dieting would be challenging fun. I will want to get a running start before I brought it completely public, yet I feel I am getting close to initiating the process.

This thought makes the notion of a smaller 'guerrilla-style' camera more practical to the more elaborate cameras I was considering. Initiating video-blogging as a personalized diet makes sense. Later I can move into more content oriented programing once I have learned about uploading, editing, and the myriad of other skills necessary for minimal quality.

Knowing specifically the target audience and production variables helps initially to get me going. Setting my target low, within pragmatic reach, helps as well.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Sunny Walk Day

Springing forward, I look forward to my first long walk in quite sometime. Food dances in and out of my day in great abundance, as well as the symptoms of a lingering sore throat. One can argue the relationship of diet and exercise to health, but why argue? Just meet my friend and walk the streets of Kyoto.